docwithablog | a love supreme.

Title: A Love Supreme
Canon Point: Pre-series, ASIP/TBB. PSL canon.
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His first crush was a boy by the name of Eddie, John was 14 at that point and he didn’t question it much. Not that part, at least. The emotional aspect of it, that was fine, it was just a crush, didn’t have to mean anything. The part where Eddie and he ended up rubbing dicks two years later against the far-end wall of his school after PE and almost got discovered, so John was two seconds and a botched ejaculation from going home to his dad with that note, he was a bit more concerned about.

By the time he’d turned 19 and moved to London, Harry came out and proved to him why it was indeed a very good idea to be altogether very peculiar with whom the hell you left this type of information (because it took so much strength and so much courage and he despised her, really)… They had a row about it exactly once where she called him a coward and he called her a cunt, seeing as he already had the moral lowground, yeah, and since then, neither of them ever mentioned it again. She’s been a very good secret keeper, you know, considering.

Children and fools, supposedly.

During his university years, John eventually decided he preferred women. There seemed to be an obviously unbalanced distribution of sexual encounters across the spectrum, with him rather squarely tending towards taking home the nurses in training, 90 percent of them female and the 10 percent that weren’t, he steered relatively clear off. Relatively. Like with everything, there were exceptions that he wasn’t too uptight about, because at this stage it was just sex and sex was pretty much like breathing to him. Yes, you’d die without, but it was all automatic moves and physical processes, not anything that held any actual meaning on its own.

Just, practice it safe and all that.

Hormones settled a bit when he enrolled with the military, it was probably one of the most calm periods of his life, ironically, when you think about what exactly he was doing. What he was preparing for. Sex became a secondary feature as a general rule, something he frequented, sure, but not something he actively craved most of the time and with the sole exception of -- well, a string of female medics and Corporal Badley who wasn’t female, but had a very large knob, John spent most of his time training and less of his time fucking.

Then, his first dispatch happened and everything changed as they are wont to do when you suddenly find yourself at war. From being a second priority, sex wasn’t a priority at all anymore, securing his comrades, making sure people survived and having the camp function as smoothly as possible were, instead. John thought he liked it, actually, He thrived for the first time since… forever, more or less and when he was offered Helmand, he said yes without missing a beat.

In Helmand, he met Sholto and things changed, again. And again.

And then, he got shot.

Supposedly, you’re never ready for these things, but he definitely wasn’t ready for Sherlock to step into the picture, but as always with Sherlock, the man cares very little what you think and does exactly what he wants, so here they are, Baker Street and John likes the outline of Sherlock’s shoulders in his dressing gown which is an odd thing to like, but there you have it.

He knows how they go by now. His crushes.